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Hello there, I’m British. It’s all right being British, but I’m English which is occasionally worse. But I have come to appreciate my nationality a lot more since travelling, if only because I genuinely and affectionately miss queues.
Anyway. I’m here to tell you that I am learning geography from an American. Because, you know what, you guys get a lot of stick. You do deserve it a lot of the time, but who doesn’t? Really.
The fact is, you don’t know what’s outside America/The US. But hell, who of us knows what the fuck is IN America/The US. I have made so many stupid comments in my life, I’m not ashamed to say I used to assume California and New York were close. And that New York was probably the Capital. So I’m not going to judge you for a lack of European geography because 1, I can barely handle the geography of England let alone the continent we vaguely claim to be a part of and 2, I don’t know SHIT about all your stuff going on over there with places and stuff.
And yes, you simplify the language. But, as a result you have fewer problems with dyslexia. Still loads, I imagine because English. But fewer. Because fuck it, some guy didn’t go ‘OMGZ LIEK ‘HONOUR’ HOW DO YOU EVEN’ someone said ‘omg like, do we even need that U?’. It might have had something to do with the printing press too. Maybe I should have used the ize thing as an example. Whatever.
Yes, you change the language. So fucking what. It gives us something to talk about and debate, it gives your kids a 0.0003% of being better at spelling. And vocabulary? A lot of the major differences are either that you use older vocabulary or you use brand new shiny business and technological vocabulary as the world advances. WE CHANGE THE LANGUAGE TOO.
I do, however, painfully and passionately disagree with you translating books. Seriously. What the fuck is that about? Adopt, adapt and improve. It hasn’t ruined our lives, it won’t ruin yours. The day I sat down for twenty minutes trying to work out why women were talking about being naked in the woods and fanny packs were twenty of the most visual of my life.
I thank you for that, America.
Funny story. Americans are more confused about British vocab than the British are about American vocab. However, the British are sometimes more confused by American grammar. The Present Perfect is a glorious bastard.
In conclusion: America, I will still mock you. You are still a nation of crazy ASS (arse sounds wrong in this context) mofos. But you’re all right. You’re no more linguistically wronger than anyone else. Do what you do, let’s enjoy our differences. Be proud to be American. If you have to do it loudly and aggressively well…. I guess that’s what makes you you. Slightly annoying. But not such a bad kid.
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